CCBR Business Review

23 MURPHY APPLIED FOR an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifi- cations were asked to take a test by the Department Manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The Manager went to Murphy and said. “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job” Murphy: “And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!” Manager: “We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.” Murphy: “And just how would one incor- rect answer be better than the other?” Manager: “Simple, the American put down on question #5, “I don’t know.”You put down “Neither do I.” Did you hear about the banker who was recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s college education? As the policeman, who also had a daugh- ter in college, was leading him away in handcuffs, he said to the banker, “I have just one question for you. Where were you going to get the rest of the money?” I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn’t help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical prob- lems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. “I’ll take care of it,” she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she’d solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, “Whatever you do, please don’t ask about the engines.” Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. “Bad day at the course?” his wife asked. “Everything was going fine,” he said. “Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee.” “Oh, that’s awful!” “You’re not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, and drag Harry.” An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.” Our neighbour passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto his porch. Someone dialled 000 When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. “It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said. “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower.” Quote of the month “Thinking is the hardest work there is which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.” Henry Ford  Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child, “No, son. It wouldn’t be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking.” A window salesman phones a customer…. “Hello, Mr Brown,” says the sales rep, “I’m calling because our company replaced all the windows in your house with our triple- glazed weather-tight windows over a year ago, and you still haven’t sent us a single payment.” The customer replies: “But you said they’d pay for themselves in 12 months.” A group of high-level executives at a company decide to start a rowing team? No matter how hard they try, though, they always end up losing against their rival firm. After months of humiliating defeats, they send one of their guys to spy on another team’s practice session, hoping to discover their secret. After returning, the spy reveals: “I found out how they keep on winning. They have only one person do the yelling.” CREATIVE SOLUTIONS FOR ALL YOUR BUSINESS NEEDS suite 3.11 platinumbuilding 4 ilya ave, erina nsw 2260 graphicbydesign.com.au phone 4365 6777 F U N N Y B U S I N E S S CENTRAL COAST BUSINESS REVIEW OCTOBER 2020

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